I'm not going to go full bore this year with a 12 Columns of Christmas deal like I did last year. Instead, I'll do one here and there ending on Christmas Eve with our traditional Yes, Virginia, editorial, which I believe sums up the spirit of Christmas better than I can, especially since I stay in cynic mode 360 days of the year, the five days of Thanksgiving week being the exception.
We start our occasional column series by droning on about drones.
I'm sure you've read about Amazon's fleet of Drones to get you your Christmas presents in a hurry and perhaps pass any vital private information on to the NSA and IRS.
So, for your enjoyment today, I present three short parodies to jumpstart your Yuletide season. If you're going to sing along they're in the tune of My Favorite Things; Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer and Here Comes Santa Claus, respectively.
My Least Favorite Things
Predator drones dropping my Christmas presents.
Supposedly this will make it all pleasant.
Christmas adverts that start in the spring.
These are a few of my least favorite things.
Black Friday shoppers armed with machine guns.
Claustrophobia makes it all no fun.
Getting up before 3:15.
These are a few of my least favorite things.
Gift-giving because you just have to.
Credit card fraud men are out to get you.
Into the darkness they simply flee.
These are a few of my least favorite things.
When the checks bounce.
The return lines.
When the drones make me feel mad.
I remember my least favorite things and then I feel more bad.
(Repeat three times or until you're sick of it)
Rudolph, the red-nosed drone
Rudolph, the red-nose drone, had a very menacing nose.
And if it you ever saw it, it would chill you to the bone.
All of the lesser drones, never dared to call him names.
They were scared old Rudolph, was in the wiretap game.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Amazon came to say, Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you drop these gifts tonight?
Then all the Drones just feared him, because it was conspiracy, Rudolph the red-nosed drone, violated our liberties.
Christmas Drone is coming to town
Oh, you better watch out, you better not lie, you better not snitch, I'm telling you why, Christmas drone is coming to town.
It's making a list, for no reason, gonna find out who committed treason. Christmas drone is coming to town.
It steals your credit info, it spies on your accounts, it stalks you every night and day so there's really no escape.
So, you better watch out, you better not lie, obey your government until you die, Christmas drone is coming to town — Lance Martin
