Here recently, I keep getting these Yahoo fantasy updates that start out with the word Swift in the headlines.
Having a vested interest in Eagles running back D’Andre Swift, I have to pause and take a look only to find out it’s about Taylor and her blossoming romance with tight end Travis Kelce as she sits in a box with Mamma Kelce cheering on the Chiefs.
This is a big letdown to me because I only care about D’Andre since he’s the star running back on one of my fantasy football teams.
When I see these Swift updates come in I have to take a look and even if there was a riot at the Historic Courthouse in retaliation to the commissioners voting against the casino resolution, I read that first because I want to know if D’Andre is injured, on a bye week, or whether his stock is on the rise.
If the story turned out to be about Taylor and not D’Andre I’d swiftly go cover the January 6-style riots at the Historic Courthouse because I don’t care about Taylor’s interest in Kelce’s tight end — make that I don’t care about her interest in the Chiefs tight end because that sort of news should be relegated to the gossip pages and not my fantasy and sports feeds.
But apparently Taylor is some big deal even though I couldn’t tell you a single song she sings but I know for a fact D’Andre earned me 17.90 points in week four, 17.80 in week three and a whopping 30.10 in week two, which has helped me in my three-game winning streak.
The way I have put it together she started out as country, became a big pop star, and has (or had) a big concert which made people mad because they couldn’t get tickets so now there is a movie to appease the ones who couldn’t get tickets and the demand for that movie is just a big as the concert, which is now part of a class action suit — at least that’s the way I think it goes because I’m not interested in Taylor and her love for Kelce’s tight end — I mean love for a tight end named Kelce.
The only Swift I care about right now is D’Andre and after an abysmal first outing he’s doing better and has helped to catapult me into a solid second place.
That’s why it becomes so frustrating when I see these updates.
I become disillusioned and feel I’ve been misled into something that shouldn’t even be related to sports but unfortunately it is.
Unlike Taylor, I don’t care about tight ends and in my Rockfish Capital League I have made the tight end position optional because there is really only one great tight end and that’s the one that Taylor is seeing with Mamma Kelce in the box.
It all reminds me of that time Jessica Simpson was in the box because she and Tony Romo had a thing and I think it dulled Tony’s senses — not that I care because I don’t like the Cowboys.
So now you’ve got this thing where pre-teen and teens who once didn’t care about football — only whatever was on their Snap or Tik-Tok — have all of a sudden become Chiefs fans because their idol is dating a tight end.
Even a friend’s daughter has become a Chiefs fan because of this phenomenon and I sit here wondering about the fortunes of a Swift named D’Andre and not Taylor and become increasingly agitated when the feeds are about her and not him.
In the back of my mind, however, I wonder what happens if Travis and Taylor swiftly split.
Will that be “Taylor” made for one of her songs I’ll never listen to like “He was a tight end (But now he’s loose)"?
Will Travis join Tom Brady and eat massive pints of Brady’s avocado ice cream to drown their sorrows like I’m sure Tom did when he and Gisele split?
Or will it blossom into a happy romance in which Taylor and Travis find true love and do a funky end zone dance to celebrate?
Maybe but the only Swift I’ll still be interested in is D’Andre — Lance Martin