Sometimes from the garage, however, an idea is born that seems too good to be true or just ludicrous enough that it might work. This would be the idea behind many a bad teenage movie.

The idea is a simple one and one the garage committee believes could possibly be the economic salvation of Roanoke Rapids. Please loosen your moral seatbelt and don't let the kids read further.

Born from these mundane conversations was the talk of how the entertainment district might grow, and the solution was something we determined should be called The Striper Club. This should be fairly obvious because we are in the Rockfish Capital of the World or situated within easy driving distance from it.

The Striper Club is a play on words and is actually an idea for, as I said, loosen your moral seatbelt, a burlesque club. Burlesque being a relatively safe word, I use it here instead of adding the extra “P” in Striper Club.

The garage committee, at least two of us, agree that a striper club situated in the heart of the entertainment district would be an economic boon for the area, overfilling city coffers with untold amounts of shekels from a deliberate sin tax that it's guaranteed to quadruple the population of Roanoke Rapids in the next five years or so. The third party who has not agreed this is the way to go believes the two other members to be flatly absurd.

What goes better in an entertainment district than a striper club, its success bringing in the other businesses that early city leaders foresaw, but because a burlesque club was not in the original plans fell short of expected growth. There are no real economic models we are dealing with here. It's just pretty much known that besides the golf course and Chili's, which we don't have because there is currently no striper club, most business deals, any of any substance, that is, are conducted at burlesque clubs.

This business model, the two of us agree, guarantees that within 10 years, HCC will become a major four-year university. People will be wondering why they ever squandered their money on UNC, NCSU or ECU.

Why is education factored in here you ask? I've never heard of any striper who isn't striping to earn his or her way through college. We include men in here because any burlesque club worth its weight in g-strings will have a lady's night.

This means there will be more college graduates who know and appreciate the idea of hard work and sacrifice, more people who can get a better job and stay here and work to provide for their families. What businesses? The advent of the striper club as Roanoke Rapids booms will mean more industry will locate here because officials sealed the deal at the striper club, which I don't have to remind you is where the bulk of any good business deals are sealed.

This is a basically foolproof plan because money flows freely in the striper club and will eventually lead to the theater becoming a real casino as well as the establishment of other casinos and horse tracks right in our back door. If you've never heard the term a win-win for everybody, you will when this deal comes through.

This will not be your run-of-the-mill striper club, no sir. It will be top rate and you may just find the next Dita Von Teese swinging from a moon beam as you sip martinis and imported beer from a never-ending fountain of booze. If you don't know who Ms. Von Teese is, I'd suggest you get to know her because she may just stage a show here.

Of course, those who show their support for the striper club, may just find themselves invited to be members of the Tackle Box, the club's exclusive VIP section. The tackle box was a last-minute addition and idea of a honorary garage committee member who is sage in both thought and business matters.

One of my contributions to the idea, one of many to be exact, is a neon female rockfish peeling her scales with a wink of the eye and smile on her ruby red lips. In my mind, there is not enough neon in the world and it is a better place with it.

I don't know about you, but I see the striper club as making the city a panacea and ushering in a renaissance like has never been experienced before. Of course, the garage committee has been wrong before, like me thinking Robert Griffin III would lead the Redskins to the playoffs. That's why I don't bet anymore — Lance Martin